I have a special blanket. It is not one that I use a lot but it has very special significance. It represents my freedom. It represents the permission I gave myself to be "Me".
In my first marriage, I was emotionally subdued. What I wanted or needed did not matter, it was always what he wanted. I entered into this relationship as it is a direct path from my upbringing. What my mother and step-father wanted was always first, I was not even on the list - not even last. I never did anything for myself - only for others, to make them happy.
One day, not long after I discovered Shamanism and began to understand that I did have the right to be me and not only have the right, but that I must, I saw this blanket. It was beautiful! It depicted my Power Animal and it just called to me - and it was on sale!! I wanted it so badly but I could not justify the money as it was somewhat pricey, even with the sale.
I walked away from it and it kept calling to me. I told my friend how much I wanted it and she encourage me to buy it, that I deserved it. I was afraid of how my husband at the time would react to such a trivial purchase (although he did it all the time).
So, I breathed in deeply, went to the store and bought the blanket!! Then I freaked!! I was afraid to take it home and get into to trouble, so I sent it home with my friend for a few days.
Finally, I realized, that I deserved that blanket! I worked and earned my own money, the blanket was special to me and I loved it, so why not have it! So, I brought it home. Now, funny, thinking back to this, which is over 20 years ago, I cannot remember what his reaction was! I just remember the fear of getting into trouble and feeling as though I could not do something for me.
I learned a valuable lesson through that blanket, one that I needed to learn and changed the course of me life......